Does your spouse make a big deal out of simple mistakes, jokes and/or comments? If your answer is yes, it could mean he or she is still wrestling with the spirit of anger.

One of the top reasons marriages fall apart today is unresolved anger. It is one thing for a husband to have trust related issues with his wife. It is another thing for him to allow trust issues affect him so much that he makes a tight fist as a threat when they argue. Studies have shown that some individuals do carry negative emotions from the past into their marriages. They are already on their guard; the slightest thing can trigger their anger.

Be Careful Not to Deliberately Hurt Your Spouse

In 1 Samuel Chapter 1, we learn the story of Elkanah and the tension between his two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah bore Elkanah sons and daughters. Hannah could not bear him any children because the Lord had closed up her womb.

Elkanah loved Hannah despite the fact she could not bear children. He gave Hannah alone a double portion of his yearly offering. Despite all his extra love and favor, Hannah had to deal with the insult and provocation from Penninah, who constantly teased her about the barrenness of her womb. Whenever Hannah was provoked, she would weep and not eat.

One day, Elkanah turned to Hannah and said, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” 1 Samuel 1:8  Perhaps it would have been better for Elkanah to remain silent than to ask Hannah a question such as, “Am I not better to you than ten sons?” Even better, he could have defended her against Penninah’s teasing.

Imagine the additional hurt Hannah felt when her husband compared his value with the value of ten sons. Anger can arise as a reaction against hurtful words of your spouse, whether they were intentionally or unintentionally hurtful. Spouses must discover the words and action that displease their husbands or wives to avoid making them feel worse. The words that we use can make the difference between bringing them laughter and bringing them pain. Where there is hurt and pain, there is also room for anger.

Key Biblical Counsel & Warfare Strategies For Your VICTORY

A soft answer turns away wrath

When speaking to your spouse, be extremely mindful of your tone and choice of words. Keep context in mind when saying certain things to your spouse. Telling your husband in private that you’re concerned about his extra weight is not the same as telling him that he’s too fat around the dinner table in the presence of others. Be as soft as possible in your responses and conversations. This will minimize the likelihood of stirring up anger.

Avoid bringing up hurtful things that took place in the past

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we learn that love keeps no record of wrongs. But how many times do husbands and wives bring up a situation of infidelity that took place in the past? Or a situation in the past where he or she was disrespectful? When you provoke your spouse about their past mistakes, you’re opening up a can of worms. This could cause him or her to be angry.

Accept corrections

The moment you can identify the manifestation of anger in your marriage, find a peaceable way in which to voice your concern to your spouse. It is important for you to make suggestions as to how he or she could have handled a situation differently, rather than telling them that they did something wrong. “Listen to advice and accept correction, and in the end you will be wise.” Proverbs 19:20. Many couples believe that correction begins in professional Christian counseling, but truth is it actually begins within the home.

Consult with a Christian counselor

When all methods of correction fail within the home, the next step is to seek the counsel of a Spirit-led Christian counselor. “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14. You can receive sound advice from a marriage counselor who is guided by the Holy Spirit. Christian counseling is a plausible and impactful approach to combatting anger.

Arrest the spirit of anger in prayer and spiritual warfare

The counselors at Battle For Your Life provide couples with effective strategies to terminate the activities of the spirit of anger. One of these key warfare strategies is coming together in prayer to experience the promise of Matthew 18:19, “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”

Meditate on scriptures of peace

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” 1 Peter 3:9-11


Angela Lowe, MS. Ed., LPC
Angela Lowe is a licensed Professional Counselor, trained Biblical Counselor and certified Holistic Health Coach. Her kingdom mandate is to restore God’s counsel to transform lives, marriages, and churches worldwide.